Life and loss
Thinking about life while on a run and thinking why can't I hit my previous running goals with the same effort.
This is due to various factors, but the one that continuously hits me is injuries that show up that never did before and take extraordinarily (in my opinion) long time to heal.
Thinking further on this the life you have is fleeting, interspersed with a few highlights, however most of it is on a downward arc of losing abilities and capabilities. Accepting this or fighting it (losing battle) or mourning it (this is a primary reason I think elederly people can be angry, things and actions that once were taken for granted are now impossible, painful, or excruciatingly hard to do) and moving on is what I am trying to do now.
On this path the losses I am experiencing or will soon enough
- Physical movement - My various foot and leg injuries that don't seem to heal anymore) only expecting this to decline more and at an accelerated pace
- Vision - I can still see well enough (always passing the eye tests), but at night it is harder to focus when lights are shown and I can feel that some of my visual acuity has been lost as it takes me more than a split second to read far away details
- Hearing - This sense is going away although the damage to my eardrums at a young age have not helped
- Mental acuity - I feel that the elasticity of my thoughts and capabilities is not at the level it once was and this is most likely due to my lack of variety and challenge on various tasks. A great benefit of general education is the unexpected and details to be discovered, but modern work forces you to focus and specialize until you are no longer relevant
- Companionship - Not a large portion of my life as the numerous choices I have made so far have pushed myself away from others (work choices, family choices, etc) but with age comes the decay of relationships and abrupt ends as people die.
In conclusion the life I have now is comfortable and good, but I can feel it cracking and soon to be losing abilities I take for granted as I decay and rot. I am trying to accept this and I do greatly mourn what I once had.